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Top ten......
DRUG USING CARTOON CHARACTERS!!!!
10.Gargamel (From the Smurfs)
Most likely LSD. Spends his life in pursuit of little blue guys in sissy white outfits and mentally abusing his cat. What does he plan to do with the blue dwarfs when he catches them anyway?
9. Olive Oyl
Probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines. Who is that skinny?! She might even be anorexic, she is always giving her burger to her friend. One side question, what the hell are Popeye and Brutus thinking? What is it, her personality? NOT!
8. Snagglepuss
Can't explain it. Maybe it's the name, or the look, but he is suspicious.
7. He-Man
This is an easy one. I mean c'mon. Roid monkey #1. "BY THE POWER OF ANAsOL!!!!!!" Makes me want to root for Skeletor. Alone in his castle, hitting the weights. And on top of that he even injects the shit in his pet tiger. Can we say "Animal Abuse"?
6.& 5. Yogi and Boo Boo
We all know what is really in those picnic baskets. They go back to the cave and trip. Another side? -- Are they gay? I mean, take a look at BooBoo. Not that there's anything wrong with that...
4. Droopy
The number one downer abuser in toon land. Can't someone slip him an upper every year or two. The only time I ever saw him happy is when he sees the picture of the babe. Sort of makes you wonder.
3. Dopey Dwarf
He openly admits it. The other dwarfs deny involvement but they are under investigation. Allegations are that Doc is writing some extra perscriptions Sneezy and all the guys partaking are afloat.
2. Daffy Duck
If he isn't using crack, Marion Barry is clean. He is so wired he bounces around on his head without pain. Blows his beak offall the time. Some symptoms might be from "daffiness"
1. Shaggy
By far the #1 suspect. His clothes, his hair, his bad goatee, the boy converses with dogs. But all of this is nothing until you go to the Munchie Factor. Anybody who averages 9.3 dog treats consumed per episode smokes pot, no if, ands, or, buts about it. And look at the way him and his friends painted that van! Pretty rad design dude.
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Top Ten.....
OK..not a top ten..more just a list of things that would happen
IF MEN RULED THE WORLD!!
1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it.
2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.
3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.
5. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
6. Garbage would take itself out.
7. Regis and Kathy Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.
8. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".
9. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
11. Two words... "Ally McNaked".
12. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop :"Nice one, That's .00 off".
13. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
14. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
15. Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
16. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
17. The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.
18. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
19. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!".
20. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
21. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you".
22. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
23. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
24. At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
25. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
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Top Ten.....
REASONS WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN RELIGION......
10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for
themselves.
6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors
trying to give it away.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured
over his brand of Beer.
4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.
3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a Beer.
1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help
you stop.
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